I am worthy of love - breakup recovery

I recently went through a break-up with my girlfriend for the same reason I have broken up with previous girlfriends - as a polyamourous couple, my husband and I had sought out a bisexual female who would be interested in forming a triad or a trinogamous group with us (otherwise known as a Unicorn). Turns out the majority of the girls we've found and dated were not as bisexual as they claimed to be and were dating me as a sort of trial they had to go through in order to date my husband.

This break-up, combined with past break-ups, has done a number on my self-esteem, making me feel unattractive to the same sex and only worth looking at because of my husband. While my brain and rational tells me this is not true, that I've only had some bad luck when it comes to trying to find a girlfriend; my emotions tell me otherwise.

I decided to call upon my love of magic and witchcraft to help me come out of this endeavor and take a step in the right direction in my love life.
While my husband and I haven't decided whether or not we will seek partners separately in either a quad or open relationship, it is a direction I would like to pursue.
Before we can do that, though, I have to rebuild my love of self. In the words of Ru Paul, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?

I meditated on self-love as I awoke and throughout my morning of making coffee and tea, breakfasting, writing for my other blogs, answering e-mails, checking in on friends. I drew myself a bath and used my favorite salts and oils. I lit an oil burner beside the tub with New Moon and Rose oils for new beginnings and love.
I trimmed my hair to remove the non-beneficial in my life.
I chose stones - rose quartz for self love, orange carnelian for my sexuality, blue cats eye for new insight.
I then bathed and lounged in the tub, relaxing an d loving my body.
As I washed I made a point to admire every curve. I caressed my thighs and belly, cupped my breasts and told myself I was beautiful. I did it until I believed it, because I'm the one that matters here.
As I stepped out of the tub I gently patted myself dry and looked in the mirror, telling myself I was beautiful again.

In the rest of the house I opened the windows to bring in the spring sunshine and fresh air.
I then swept the room in which the break-up happened, started from the exact area in which it happened and sweeping towards the door. I mentally banished the negative emotions and energies with the dust and grime. I didn't want any vestige touching me as I stepped around the apartment barefoot.

I then sat down with a cup of tea and wrote a love letter to myself, noting all the wonderful things about myself and followed it up to the things that make me desirable to another person, another woman specifically. I will use this paper for when I'm ready to date again to bring the energies and person into my life who will appreciate all of these things.
Until that time, I will use this love letter to remind myself who I am in times when I feel particularly shitty.

I'm writing this particular post because I know there are others out there dealing with similar issues - even if its just breaking up and feeling crappy about it. I hope you can benefit from my experience.

Blessings.

Bring Me a Polyamorous Love Spell

This spell is from one of my favorite books, Pagan Polyamory by Raven Kaldera. I have re-written the spell to be easier for BOS use, for me. If you would like to read the original spell, feel free to check it out in the book on page 11.








Tools
A large pillar candle with multiple wicks in red, pink, green or other appropriate color.
Essential oil blend of love scents such as violet, rose, apple blossom, etc.
Colored thread, one for each person participating, that represent a trait they are looking for in the new lover.
A lighter or matches.

Timing
(this is not in the book but I wanted to add it from my own studies)
Fridays are Freya's Day and associated with love goddesses such as Freya, Aphrodite, Venus.
Waxing Moon is a great time for magic that draws something in and manifesting things into fruition.
So I recommend a Friday on a Waxing Moon.
If you want a specific time, 6 is the number of Venus, so 6 am with the coming dawn and beginnings or 6 pm which is a time of relaxation at the end of the day and particularly beneficial for those who practice nocturnal witchcraft.

Each person involved in the spell should get oil on their fingers. If there are more than one of you, start by anointing each other and affirming your bonds of love and/or friendship. Then each person anoints the candle saying, "I come to the flame of love with an open heart."

Each person ties one of their threads around the bottom of the pillar candle. (Although you can have as many threads as you want, it's good not to fill up more than the bottom third of the candle, because you will be burning it down.) The other end of teach thread gets loosely tied around the left wrist of the person who brought it (the thread), in a big enough loop that they can easily slip their hand out. The querent(s) stand around the candle, tied to it by threads, and one person lights the candle, saying, "We are blessed with the presence of the flame of love."

Each person then recites the following prayer, either one after the other or as a call-and-response with one person reading it off and the others reciting it back:

Lady of Love who dances in our hearts,

We call you to this place

In the heart of this dancing flame.

Love flows in this circle in abundance,

Enough and more for many lovers,

and we with to share it still further.

You who are the magnetism of the universe,

Draw the right lover to these open arms, 

and help us to trust in your decision.

You who are the spark of passion, 

Let this yearning be a siren call

Heard only by the right ears.

Let it be a song in their blood,

A voice in the wind,

That brings them to the light of this circle

and into the love of a family.

We swear that here in this place,

Their unique soul will be appreciated

and the song of their heart desperately needed

to match, and to complement,

the songs that are sung here tonight.

Everyone takes the threads off their wrists and wraps the remaining lengths around the candle.
It should be allowed to burn down to the point where the threads begin. During this time, play music (either yourself on a instrument or on a CD) of your favorite love songs and sing along to them. Sing along, dance, and have a love-song festival for the next hour or so. This is your offering to the Love Goddesses.

Once it has been burned to this point, it should be wrapped in cloth and put somewhere safe where it will not be lost.
If the Gods of love are happy with your offering, they will send someone. It may take a long time - days, weeks, months, or a year or two, especially if you've made very specific requests.
Just make sure when they show up in your life that you are paying attention to recognize them and to sign for the package.