I am worthy of love - breakup recovery

I recently went through a break-up with my girlfriend for the same reason I have broken up with previous girlfriends - as a polyamourous couple, my husband and I had sought out a bisexual female who would be interested in forming a triad or a trinogamous group with us (otherwise known as a Unicorn). Turns out the majority of the girls we've found and dated were not as bisexual as they claimed to be and were dating me as a sort of trial they had to go through in order to date my husband.

This break-up, combined with past break-ups, has done a number on my self-esteem, making me feel unattractive to the same sex and only worth looking at because of my husband. While my brain and rational tells me this is not true, that I've only had some bad luck when it comes to trying to find a girlfriend; my emotions tell me otherwise.

I decided to call upon my love of magic and witchcraft to help me come out of this endeavor and take a step in the right direction in my love life.
While my husband and I haven't decided whether or not we will seek partners separately in either a quad or open relationship, it is a direction I would like to pursue.
Before we can do that, though, I have to rebuild my love of self. In the words of Ru Paul, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?

I meditated on self-love as I awoke and throughout my morning of making coffee and tea, breakfasting, writing for my other blogs, answering e-mails, checking in on friends. I drew myself a bath and used my favorite salts and oils. I lit an oil burner beside the tub with New Moon and Rose oils for new beginnings and love.
I trimmed my hair to remove the non-beneficial in my life.
I chose stones - rose quartz for self love, orange carnelian for my sexuality, blue cats eye for new insight.
I then bathed and lounged in the tub, relaxing an d loving my body.
As I washed I made a point to admire every curve. I caressed my thighs and belly, cupped my breasts and told myself I was beautiful. I did it until I believed it, because I'm the one that matters here.
As I stepped out of the tub I gently patted myself dry and looked in the mirror, telling myself I was beautiful again.

In the rest of the house I opened the windows to bring in the spring sunshine and fresh air.
I then swept the room in which the break-up happened, started from the exact area in which it happened and sweeping towards the door. I mentally banished the negative emotions and energies with the dust and grime. I didn't want any vestige touching me as I stepped around the apartment barefoot.

I then sat down with a cup of tea and wrote a love letter to myself, noting all the wonderful things about myself and followed it up to the things that make me desirable to another person, another woman specifically. I will use this paper for when I'm ready to date again to bring the energies and person into my life who will appreciate all of these things.
Until that time, I will use this love letter to remind myself who I am in times when I feel particularly shitty.

I'm writing this particular post because I know there are others out there dealing with similar issues - even if its just breaking up and feeling crappy about it. I hope you can benefit from my experience.

Blessings.

Pagan Blog Project

Hello all,
Since this is a new blog, I am a little behind on the Pagan Blog Project.

What is The Pagan Blog Project? (The Short Answer)
This project is a way to spend a full year dedicating time each week very specifically to studying, reflecting, and sharing your spiritual and magical path. The project consists of a single blog post each week posted on your blog each Friday for the year of 2012 that will involve a topic that relates to Paganism, Witchcraft, magick, spirituality, and so on. You can use your posts to share your views on a topic, to talk about your own personal experiences, or to act as a catalyst to research a subject that you may not know much about and then share what you learn and how you feel about that. Each week there is a specific prompt for you to work with in writing your post, a prompt that will focus on a letter of the alphabet each week providing you a framework for your writing as well as a common thread for all participants to share in.


Great, I love it! How do I sign up?
Click on the 2013 Pagan Bloggers tab to list your blog for the Project.  Follow the simple instructions in the link generator to add yourself to the Project.
Join the Forums.  Introduce yourself and your blog to everyone in the group.
Grab one of the buttons or banners and post it to your blog!
Right click and select “Save As” to save the picture to your computer. Then upload it to your own website or blog and link it back to this page (http://www.paganblogproject.com).
Tag your posts! When you post your weekly post as part of the Pagan Blog Project, be sure to tag it as “Pagan Blog Project”. If you share your posts on Twitter be sure to use the hashtag #PaganBlogProject.



The following are topics I will be playing catch-up on:

A is for Aleister Crowley

B is for Babalon
(I'm cheating a little on this one and taking the Pagan Blog Project post I did on my other blog, Hedge Wife and using it here)

C is for Chymecal Marriage

D is for Deviant

E is for Erotomancy

F is for Female Magicians

Merrily Met

Merry Meet and Hello,

I am Reverend December also known as Lady Phryxus.
I am a practicing witch, a Wiccan, an ordained minister, a healer, a reader, a wife, a polyamorist, a Switch in the BDSM subculture, and a seeker of knowledge.

I used to separate my spiritual journey from my BDSM practices until that felt too much like living with multiple personalities and far too stressful.
In the end, I decided to join them together!
Erotomancy, sex magic, is a passion of mine that I want to share with you, my readers.

This blog is an experiment of mine to see if combining my sexual and spiritual practices is something that will work out in my life and if there is actually an interest in hearing another voice on these subjects on the web.
On this blog you will see articles on sexuality and paganism, spells and rituals and references on sex magic, and pages from my Erotic Book of Shadows.

I hope that we can learn and grow together.

Merry Part and Blessed Be
The Erotomantic
Lady Phryxus