I am worthy of love - breakup recovery

I recently went through a break-up with my girlfriend for the same reason I have broken up with previous girlfriends - as a polyamourous couple, my husband and I had sought out a bisexual female who would be interested in forming a triad or a trinogamous group with us (otherwise known as a Unicorn). Turns out the majority of the girls we've found and dated were not as bisexual as they claimed to be and were dating me as a sort of trial they had to go through in order to date my husband.

This break-up, combined with past break-ups, has done a number on my self-esteem, making me feel unattractive to the same sex and only worth looking at because of my husband. While my brain and rational tells me this is not true, that I've only had some bad luck when it comes to trying to find a girlfriend; my emotions tell me otherwise.

I decided to call upon my love of magic and witchcraft to help me come out of this endeavor and take a step in the right direction in my love life.
While my husband and I haven't decided whether or not we will seek partners separately in either a quad or open relationship, it is a direction I would like to pursue.
Before we can do that, though, I have to rebuild my love of self. In the words of Ru Paul, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?

I meditated on self-love as I awoke and throughout my morning of making coffee and tea, breakfasting, writing for my other blogs, answering e-mails, checking in on friends. I drew myself a bath and used my favorite salts and oils. I lit an oil burner beside the tub with New Moon and Rose oils for new beginnings and love.
I trimmed my hair to remove the non-beneficial in my life.
I chose stones - rose quartz for self love, orange carnelian for my sexuality, blue cats eye for new insight.
I then bathed and lounged in the tub, relaxing an d loving my body.
As I washed I made a point to admire every curve. I caressed my thighs and belly, cupped my breasts and told myself I was beautiful. I did it until I believed it, because I'm the one that matters here.
As I stepped out of the tub I gently patted myself dry and looked in the mirror, telling myself I was beautiful again.

In the rest of the house I opened the windows to bring in the spring sunshine and fresh air.
I then swept the room in which the break-up happened, started from the exact area in which it happened and sweeping towards the door. I mentally banished the negative emotions and energies with the dust and grime. I didn't want any vestige touching me as I stepped around the apartment barefoot.

I then sat down with a cup of tea and wrote a love letter to myself, noting all the wonderful things about myself and followed it up to the things that make me desirable to another person, another woman specifically. I will use this paper for when I'm ready to date again to bring the energies and person into my life who will appreciate all of these things.
Until that time, I will use this love letter to remind myself who I am in times when I feel particularly shitty.

I'm writing this particular post because I know there are others out there dealing with similar issues - even if its just breaking up and feeling crappy about it. I hope you can benefit from my experience.

Blessings.